Secrets to breaking the cycle of rumination.
Originally published on Psychology Today
Key points
- Overthinking about problems or mistakes leads to more stress and indecision without resolution.
- Rumination stems from attempts to avoid emotional discomfort, but it keeps us stuck in anxious cycles.
- Build self-awareness, use mindfulness, and engage in novel activities to interrupt the overthinking process.
Rumination is the experience of being too fixated on finding solutions or beating yourself up about mistakes, causing a difficulty in making decisions, an increase in stress, and feelings of self-doubt.1
Whether it is worrying about the uncertainty of the future, fretting about an upcoming decision, or fixating on a mistake at work, the tendency to dwell and overthink is something that most of us have experienced. Rumination is often born from a good intention: to solve a problem, to correct a mistake, or to improve some unfortunate situation. However, it typically leaves us feeling drained and no closer to a clear path forward.
Why do we ruminate and how does it steal our joy?
Rumination is not without cause. In some instances, rumination is an attempt to keep us safe, as if constant mental vigilance could prevent bad outcomes in life. We may also believe that long periods of weighing all factors and playing through worst-case scenarios will bring us closer to a solution. Regardless of the cause, we engage in ruminative thinking because the dilemma represents something that we care deeply about.
One danger of rumination is that it keeps us stuck in anxious cycles, responding to judgments about the situation rather than the situation itself. Rumination prevents us from identifying the deeper emotions underlying the anxiety.
As an example, you may find yourself worrying about deciding whether or not to leave your job, constantly replaying all the possible outcomes and worst-case scenarios. However, beneath that worry may be a deeper fear of change or uncertainty. If you stay stuck on the surface of worrying whether you are making the right decision, you may be avoiding confronting the more vulnerable emotions underneath. Moreover, it may prevent you from coming to a decision based on the full breadth of your life.
By not addressing the underlying emotional experiences, we remain trapped in cycles of overthinking that reinforce the anxiety. This can lead to increased stress, difficulty with decision-making, and even physical symptoms like muscle tension or fatigue. One of the insidious ways rumination steals our joy is by robbing us of the opportunity to create meaningful change.
If we never work through the deeper fear underneath an anxious thought, we will continue to experience the same anxiety in future interactions. Rumination only reinforces the insecurity rather than fostering an opportunity to build a more meaningful relationship to ourselves.
How to break patterns of rumination
Many overthinkers want to stop the ruminations but say they can’t unhook. The first step is to build self-awareness. When the thoughts begin, pay attention to what is occurring in your environment, in your body, and in your mind. Do you notice any patterns? Maybe the rumination mostly happens after receiving constructive criticism at work or after a fight with a loved one. Being able to track the contexts that produce rumination will be helpful in stopping the cycle before thoughts begin to spiral. It is important to acknowledge that you are ruminating without judging yourself for doing so, as that only feeds the self-critical nature of overthinking.
The next step is to cut the cycle of rumination. Engaging in mindfulness or grounding techniques can allow ourselves to experience a mental pause. By doing so, we can acknowledge what we are truly feeling underneath the worry. Over time we can begin to cultivate strategies and coping skills that allow us to feel empowered in facing stress, preventing our minds from automatically turning to overthinking as a means of escape.
If mindfulness exercises only seem to worsen the cycle, you can find an activity that is novel and engages your senses: a puzzle, a new language to learn, a new art project, baking a new recipe, helping someone in need. Our senses are built to soothe us, and the more novel and engaging the exercise, the better we can unhook from the thoughts and begin to tend to the vulnerable feelings. Being connected with our emotional experiences and our bodies allows us to engage more meaningfully with our experience.
Success story
Imagine a person who tends to ruminate after social engagements. They leave parties and dinners feeling stuck in constant replays about everything they said. A gnawing feeling exists in their stomach as they worry what others think of them, whether they offended someone, and whether they embarrassed themselves. Beneath these anxious thoughts lie deep-seated feelings of shame, rooted in adolescent experiences of rejection and bullying.
The thinking doesn’t do anything helpful to regulate the hurt they are feeling underneath. In this case, cutting the cycle of rumination could involve finding a creative outlet—such as poetry or journaling—to express these more vulnerable emotions, while using therapy as a space to process lingering wounds and the fear of encountering future cycles of rejection.
Summary
While we can’t always control the challenges that arise in life, we certainly can develop healthy ways of coping and regaining balance. In the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”2
References
Stone, J. (2004). Quiet Your Mind: A Men’s Guide: Practical Techniques to Stop Overthinking and Take Charge of Your Life. Zeitgeist.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion