The Paradox of Heartbreak | Source: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

The Paradox of Heartbreak

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

Feeling the good and the bad after a wanted breakup. Originally published on Psychology Today A divorce or a breakup is seldom easy. The pain brought about by a split can be profound, even for the ones who initiated the separation. The paradox of heartbreak lies in the complexity of human emotions and the intricate nature of relationships. Some might assume that if you wanted the breakup, the pain should be minimal; however, it is not always so simple…

Source: Hayley Murray / Unsplash | The Meaning of Progress in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

The Meaning of Progress in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy

by Megan Lothian, LCSW

Understanding one’s experience requires time and patience. Written by SelfWorks therapist, Megan Lothian, LCSW There is much pressure societally to define and measure “achievement” and “success.” There is a societal and cultural preference for most things to be quick, easy, and, if possible, painless. Inevitably, these notions of success, and a desire for a painless and quick resolve, appear within therapy. In my experience, people often find themselves in therapy because they have been experiencing “too much,” whether it be acutely in a short amount of time causing overwhelm and anxiety, or in a chronic way, often manifesting in depressive …

Bird, Layla (Photographer). (2019). They've turned their backs on constructive communication [digital image]. Retrieved March 20th, 2022, from

The Four Horsemen of Relationships:
Learn how to recognize unhealthy conflict habits and improve your communication

Co-authored by Sybil Ottenstein, MHC-LP and Celine Gonzalez

Couples therapist Sybil Ottenstein talks about how to improve your communication habits and build vulnerability, honesty and trust: Since the 1970s, The Gottman Institute has studied thousands of couples interacting while tracking their relational satisfaction over time. Research into relationships has…

The Upward Spiral by Afshan Mohamedali, Ph.D

The Upward Spiral

by Afshan Mohamedali, Ph.D

A patient once said at the end of session that he felt like he was going in circles. He was exasperated and couldn’t see the progress he was making because he had seemingly ended up right back at the beginning. Rather than let this comment linger and unfold naturally in the next session, I felt pulled to mark the progress that I could see and was also a part of. I reframed his comment, observing an upward spiral, involving “going in circles” but moving in some direction. The upward spiral became a metaphor in the remainder of our work together. …

Image Source: POPSUGAR Photography / Diggy Lloyd Product Credit: Model on left: Kate Spade dress, Current/Elliot denim jacket, Jennifer Fisher earrings, H&M bag, Smoke x Mirrors sunglasses, Freda Salvador shoes. Model on right: Banana Republic sweater, Vince shirt, Levi’s jeans, Vince shoes.

What It’s Like to Be Married to Someone With Anxiety

Originally posted on POPSUGAR • by Jenny Sugar “Can you deal with me?” It’s been more than 14 years since my husband said those words to me when we first started dating. I now know he was talking about his anxiety. I fell in love with his warm, caring, funny, and joyful personality, but having anxiety can make him the complete opposite. Without any warning at all, he can go from happy and easygoing to irritable, cranky, and mean, complaining and nitpicking things I do or don’t do, and can be quick to get annoyed or angry. It can be absolutely unbearable, …

Putting Back Together the Pieces of a Broken Heart - Bleeding Heart Flower

Putting Back Together the Pieces of a Broken Heart

by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Losing a loved one through a separation such as a breakup or divorce can feel as devastating as losing someone through death. You will likely feel denial, angst, sadness, loneliness and a whole mix of emotions. Whatever you are feeling, others have likely felt it before. Just as those before you made it through, you can come out on the other side of pain. Here are some suggested steps you can take toward healing: 1. Find forgiveness and meaning. Forgiveness is often an essential part of the healing process, whether it is for yourself or the partner who may have “wronged” you. Everything ends, including …


SelfWorks Launches 2nd Manhattan Office

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

Growing Private Therapy Practice Expands with 6-Office Suite in the A&D Building NEW YORK – October 23, 2017 – (PR Newswire) – SelfWorks, a leading private psychotherapy group practice founded and led by Dr. Amy Vigliotti, announced today its expansion to new offices located in the A&D Building on 150 East 58th Street. The new space will house a newly renovated 6-office suite on the 21st Floor offering the comfort, privacy and ambience consistent with SelfWorks’ Flatiron practice at 1140 Broadway. SelfWorks will continue treating clients at its Flatiron location and has plans to expand with three new psychologists in …

SelfWorks Group, Therapy in NYC: Are We Doomed to Repeat Our Relationship Patterns? by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Are We Doomed to Repeat Our Relationship Patterns?

by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Understanding the Theory of Attachment Have you ever found yourself repeating the same unhealthy patterns in all of your relationships, each time hoping for different results? If so, you’re not alone. As habit-driven beings, changing certain self-defeating behaviors can seem virtually impossible at times, no matter how hard we try. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, whether it’s dating the “wrong” person (again and again) or engaging in relationship-sabotaging behaviors, this phenomenon can be best understood when looked at through the lens of Attachment Theory. Based on the work of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, the theory posits that we each have certain attachment …

Teddi's Garden

Cultivating Plants, Community, Habitats and Happiness

by Teddi Rogers, Intake Coordinator and Office Manager

Summer is a great time to get outdoors – re-connecting with the natural environment and rejuvenating your spirit and mind! Simple things like a bike ride, a walk in the park, or a picnic can bring a healthy dose of happiness and serenity. Our intake coordinator and office manager, Teddi Rogers, spends much of her time away from the office in her garden. In her blog below, she shares with us her love of gardening and the ways it has changed her views of her environment. I grew up with a love for plants and flowers. I still feel a …

SelfWorks: Breaking Up Better

Breaking Up Better

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

As popular lyrics and experience tells us, breaking up is hard to do! Even when something is the right decision, it does not mean it is not a loss. Letting go of your significant other (SO) means letting go of an important person in your life, and may mean letting go of shared friends, activities, and places. You are also giving up that wish that it could be better. It is a sad, messy, confusing and heartbreaking time for both of you. That said, there are steps you can take to soften the pain a bit!




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