How partners can help one another change unhealthy patterns of attachment Originally published on Psychology Today According to attachment theory, we each develop a style of attachment—the way we relate to others—based on the relationship we had with our primary caregiver. This then becomes the template onto which we project most of our adult relationships. When our basic needs are met consistently by an attentive and loving caregiver, we develop a secure attachment to that caregiver and thus a secure attachment style. Psychologists refer to this type of caregiver as the good enough parent. Children who develop this style of …

Is there a cure for jealousy, and can it actually bring couples closer together? Originally published on Psychology Today We are all born with basic instincts and tendencies that drive our behavior. Some of these instincts are essential to our well-being, such as the drive for love and belonging. Others are not so desirable, such as rage or addiction. However, all of our drives — the good, the bad, and the ugly — are an innate part of the human experience, and each serves a purpose. One of the most potentially destructive of instincts is jealousy. It is also one …

10 steps to a healthy relationship Originally published on Psychology Today In my last post, “The Psychology of Modern Dating,” I describe some of the challenges that come with dating in a digital age and their effects on fundamental interpersonal processes. Despite the potential pitfalls, it is possible to take the pain out of dating. Below are some steps you can take to preserve your sense of worth and emotional well-being as you embark on the journey to love. 1. Know your worth. Self-worth refers to the value you attribute to yourself as a person, across situations and independent of …

How online dating is changing our fundamental interpersonal processes. Originally published on Psychology Today Navigating the modern dating world can be a venture rife with disappointment and disillusionment. On the other hand, dating can lead to a lifelong partnership. Sadly, for many it is more often the former. From dating fatigue to the sting of rejection, even the most confident daters are not immune to the negative effects of dating on psychological and emotional well-being. And for those who struggle with self-worth, these effects can be especially harmful. Online shopping for mates According to social researchers, “Online dating has produced …

By letting go of grudges, you’re not simply letting the other person off the hook— you’re taking a step toward a healthier mind and body Originally published on Goodtherapy Forgiveness: one of those necessary evils in life. The stubborn, self-righteous child inside of you will do anything to avoid it; but, as the saying goes, to not do so is to slowly poison yourself while secretly hoping the other person dies. By holding on to grudges and hurts, the only one you are poisoning is yourself. The poison being hatred and anger, two dangerous emotions that haven’t been known to …

How self-compassion leads to healthier relationships. “To attempt to love someone who cannot benefit from your love with spiritual growth is to waste your energy, to cast your seed on arid ground.” —M. Scott Peck, M.D., The Road Less Traveled. On the sometimes-painful road to self-compassion, there are many lessons to be learned along the way. Some of the most valuable often come in the form of relationships. If you struggle with self-worth