SelfWorks Group, Therapy in NYC: Are We Doomed to Repeat Our Relationship Patterns? by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Are We Doomed to Repeat Our Relationship Patterns?

by Allison Abrams, LCSW-R

Understanding the Theory of Attachment Have you ever found yourself repeating the same unhealthy patterns in all of your relationships, each time hoping for different results? If so, you’re not alone. As habit-driven beings, changing certain self-defeating behaviors can seem virtually impossible at times, no matter how hard we try. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, whether it’s dating the “wrong” person (again and again) or engaging in relationship-sabotaging behaviors, this phenomenon can be best understood when looked at through the lens of Attachment Theory. Based on the work of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, the theory posits that we each have certain attachment …

Teddi's Garden

Cultivating Plants, Community, Habitats and Happiness

by Teddi Rogers, Intake Coordinator and Office Manager

Summer is a great time to get outdoors – re-connecting with the natural environment and rejuvenating your spirit and mind! Simple things like a bike ride, a walk in the park, or a picnic can bring a healthy dose of happiness and serenity. Our intake coordinator and office manager, Teddi Rogers, spends much of her time away from the office in her garden. In her blog below, she shares with us her love of gardening and the ways it has changed her views of her environment. I grew up with a love for plants and flowers. I still feel a …

SelfWorks: Breaking Up Better

Breaking Up Better

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

As popular lyrics and experience tells us, breaking up is hard to do! Even when something is the right decision, it does not mean it is not a loss. Letting go of your significant other (SO) means letting go of an important person in your life, and may mean letting go of shared friends, activities, and places. You are also giving up that wish that it could be better. It is a sad, messy, confusing and heartbreaking time for both of you. That said, there are steps you can take to soften the pain a bit!

Practicing Gratitude

Practicing Gratitude

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

Having a community of trusted colleagues gives me pause and brings me a sense of ease and tremendous appreciation. I have been feeling grateful for three talented psychologists who have joined me at SelfWorks. This is the season of thanks, and a little gratitude goes a long way. Typically, though, the workplace is a magnet for negativity. There are the long hours, the office gossip or the deadline approaching that loom in our focus and leave us feeling ungrateful and unsatisfied. The good news is we have the choice and the tools to override this negativity bias. Gratitude is the seed …

Getting somewhere and nowhere with meditation

Getting Somewhere and Nowhere with Meditation

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

By now you have heard about all the good things meditation has to offer – stress reduction, reduced rumination, better memory, focus, emotional stability, relationship satisfaction, cognitive flexibility, self-compassion, and insight. Meditation has been around for centuries but we now have the research to support its ongoing practice! Even so, with all its bells and whistles, maybe you are one of those people that says: I hear good things about meditation, but who has the time? Or maybe you are someone who meditates when you go to yoga class when guided by an instructor. Or perhaps you’ve tried, got frustrated …

Bereavement | SelfWorks Group


by Mary Weeks, LMSW

You’ve lost a loved one. The memorial is over. The mourners have all gone home. Now what? Whether a loved one’s death came suddenly or after a long period of illness, the sheer shock of your loss can leave you feeling like you’re walking around in a fog. Here are some tips to help you clear the fog: Mourning is a healthy and necessary expression of our grief. You’re not going crazy, even if it feels that way sometimes… Grief has no set timeline. Why? Every person is unique, and every loss is unique, so every grief experience will be …

Change | SelfWorks Group

Radical Acceptance and the Power of Change

by Meghan Breen, LMSW

When we think about the art of change, often there is an automatic judgment attached to it based on our personal experiences or fears. Bottom line: Change is hard.  Often what would be most impactful to creating change are the very things that have been a part of our psyche for a long time.  If your thoughts and patterns have been crafted over decades, the chances are these things aren’t going to change over night. Just keep going and don’t ever stop. The 5 Most Effective Ways to Achieve Long-Lasting Change. Be kind to yourself. You are your toughest critic. …

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Are Psychotherapists In Their Own Psychotherapy?

by Patrick Rafferty, Ph.D

Recently, one of my patients asked if I am in my own personal psychotherapy. I’ve heard that question fairly often, however this time I paused for a moment and noticed that I began to ask myself a familiar a set of therapeutic-type-questions: “why is this patient asking me this? What purpose does it serve for the patient’s mind? How should I answer this question and what ramifications will the answer have? Should I answer ‘yes’ or simply ‘why are you asking’”? In this case I did something rather uncharacteristic for me. Instead of turning it back to my patient (which …

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by Mary Weeks, LMSW

Before the sun goes down, forgive. – Hawaiian proverb Last May, I attended a conference here in the city, where a colleague shared a Hawaiian forgiveness practice that she offers to her clients who are incarcerated, the Ho’oponopono ritual. It has a fancy name, but a simple enough application: When you act or speak in a way that you feel is out of alignment with your deepest, truest sense of who you are, just say these four phrases to yourself: I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. She talked about how, when one of her clients …

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Thriving After a Loss or Trauma

by Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D

Trauma comes in many forms: as illness, bereavement, divorce, infertility, abuse and natural disasters. I have also seen more subtle forms of trauma in people involved in lengthy, intrusive court cases; those feeling threatened with a great personal or professional loss; or for caregivers and healthcare professionals who daily witness the immensity of human suffering. One thing I’ve learned in my years as a psychologist is we all have a tremendous capacity for resilience. Patients, or “Thrivers” as I like to call them, repeatedly astound me with the ways they flourish after terrible life circumstances. Thrivers often endorse a deeper …




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